Ţară a contrastelor, ţara ţăranilor mutaţi la oraş, dezrobiţi de complexe, teamă de ridicol şi orice ruşine sub stindardul democraţiei înteleasă anarhic e totuşi ţara unde m-am născut, ţara viselor mele, a sufletului meu, a oamenilor buni, calzi, inimoşi, săritori, isteţi, profunzi şi plini de veselie. Ţara burtoşilor opulenţi, a obrazului gros, a incompetenţei, intoleranţei şi prostiei în formă pură dar şi ţara oamenilor chibzuiţi, modeşti, credincioşi, curaţi la suflet, atenţi şi demni de respectat. Ţara oamenilor obtuzi, pricepuţi la toate şi nimic, lăudăroşi dar incapabili. Ţara lenei, a lui „lasă-mă să te las” şi a lui „lasă mă că merge aşa”. Ţara lui Papură Vodă, ţara lu` Peşte. Ţara mea. Ţara noastră.

Ce s-a întamplat cu ea între timp? Curentul ăsta trendy-fancy, lipsa asta totală de interes, de miez, de direcţie, atâta superficialitate… E gandirea mea desuetă ?
Acum nu mai mergem la muncă, ci avem un giob bun. Când facem o şedinţă foto într-un loc deosebit, numit asta un photo-şuting într-o locaaţe cuul. Apropos – locaţie inseamnă chirie incă in DEX şi nu are sensul de loc. Ne îmbrăcăm din moluri (mall) şi ne facem de cap în cluburi şi paburi (pub) până dimineaţa, cu fluiere la gât şi morţi de beţi. Dansăm pe haus (house), clabin (clubbin’), gigei celebri (Gigel Tiesto, Gigel Aligator, Gigel Crocodil de Nil) ne încantă cu maniera lor de a uni bucăţi de ritm şi gângureli monosilabice cu celebra linie melodică Do Do Do Do Do Do Do Do şi….. Re. Ce-i cu romgleza asta? Ce-i cu scrisul asta pocit, amputat, în jargon internautic ? Ne pocim limba. Cam in felul asta se scrie pe messenger:
-nush dak mai vin
-dc
-tre să plek la bunika la tzara
-u 2?
-dap, culegem prune sa fac3m tzuica
-cool

Eu ma simt lăsat pe dinafară într-o comunitate restrânsă de oameni care încă mai pun preţ pe valoare, pe calitate. Învăţăm să identificăm oamenii de calitate, in lipsa unor elemente mai profunde după repere superficiale precum: genul de muzică preferat, cât de atent este la felul cum scrie şi se exprimă, la felul cum se îmbracă, la ce prieteni are, ce cărţi citeşte, cum îşi petrece timpul liber. Adică nişte detalii nesemnificative pentru calitatea omului, dar care îl definesc în fond… şi a dracului chestie, deşi incerc sa fiu cât mai deschis, se cam potriveşte…
In domeniul internetului fenomenul mesajelor publicitare nesolicitate (SPAM) a capătat proporţii monstruoase – circa 90% din mesajele ce circulă sunt SPAM. În practică determinarea SPAM-ului se face acordand scoruri unor indicii, care astfel adunate dau un scor de SPAM. De ex. 2 puncte ca e identificat de altii ca spammer, 1 pentru ca ai cuvantul viagra in text si 0.5 pentru ca ai folosit doar majuscule in subiect. La oameni cam acelaşi lucru. Pornim de la încredere şi adunăm indiciile care ne fac sa credem ca este ceva in neregulă cu acel om. Mi-e mai uşor să fiu ca SpamAssassin. „Marcheaza ca SPAM orice OM cu un scor mai mare de 5, apoi Discard.

- tot ce maninci are gust de ceapa si usturoi
- incerci sa reciclezi ambalajele de la flori, hirtia de la cadouri si, bineinteles, folia de aluminiu
- stai linga cele mai mari doua valize din aeroport
- ajungi la petreceri cu una – doua ore intirziere si ti se pare foarte normal
- dupa ce mergi la cineva in vizita, la plecare mai stai o ora in fata usii la povesti
- parintii tai nu arunca niciodata nimic si daca reusesti sa arunci ceva la gunoi apare in mod misterios inapoi
- ai perdele de dantela
- ai fata de masa din macrame
- ai covoare care acopera fiecare centimetru din casa ta
- ai sau ai avut covoare pe pereti
- mama ta iti spune ca esti slab chiar daca ai 110 kg
- ai draperii macar la o usa din casa
- mama ta recicleaza paharele de plastic, farfuriile din carton si pungile de la sandwichuri spalindu-le
- ai fata de masa din vinyl pe masa din bucatarie
- folosesti sacosele primite la cumparaturi pe post de pungi de gunoi
- raftul tau din bucatarie este plin de borcane de gem, varietati de recipiente de plastic si sticla
- parintii te striga cu diminutive animale cind ii enervezi
- nu poti pleca in calatorii decit daca te conduc macar 5 persoane la autobuz, tren sau aeroport
- suni interurban numai dupa ora 11 PM
- parintii te suna si intreaba daca ai mincat, chiar daca e miezul noptii
- parintii tai nu realizeaza ca tehnologia s-a imbunatati si atunci cind suna in strainatate inca urla la telefon
- ai cuverturi uzate pe canapea doar ca sa nu se murdareasca tapiteria
- nu cunosti mai mult de jumatate din invitatii de la nunta ta
- ai vazut pamintul din interiorul unui WC din tren, in mers.
- copilul tau poarta caciulita si 3 pulovere in septembrie desi sint 25 de grade afara
- porti palton din septembrie pina in mai
- porti sandale cu ciorapi
- daca vezi pe cineva in pantaloni scurti in decembrie zici ca e nebun, desi sint 20 grade afara
- crezi ca “urda”, “mamaliga”, “parizer”, ” telemea”, “zacusca” sint feluri internationale de mincare
- cand vin straini la tine in vizita te distrezi dindu-le cea mai tare tuica din casa. .. si cind reusesc sa bea un pahar le mai torni…
- cand ai musafiri si ii intrebi daca servesc ceva si ei spun ca “NU” la tine inseamna ca “DA”…

Adunatii Copaceni – Gathered Tree People

Afumati – Neversober

Baicoi – Youball

Buhusi – Boo

Buzau – Really Fat Lip

Calarasi – Silly-dressed Folks on Horses

Ciorogarla – Nigger-River

Constanta – The Steadiness

Dor Marunt – Miniature Melancholy

Husi – Shoo

Navodari – Networkers

Onesti – The Sincere

Pitesti – Youdohide

Satu-Mare – The Rather Roomy Rural Community

Slatina – Slut Tina

Slobozia – A Very Wrong Local Tradition

Târgu Frumos – The Aesthetically Pleasing Bazaar

Urlati – Gimme Some Noise

Voluntari – Town of Unpaid Assistants

Din ciclu Romania, te iubesc !

Typical Romanian Male

Romanian supermodel in national costume

Romania is a country somewhere in Eastern Europe. It has over 900,000 gypsies[srsly]. Romania is considered by most experts to be the Earth’s epicenter of fail. Romanians are a proud and tenacious people, best known for elevating the act of stealing to an art form. Romania is also well known for it’s high rate offetus pwnage.

Romanian History

Romanians/Gypsies have a very rich and interesting history, most of it involving one invading empire or another plowing them in the ass. This piece of information is not at all surprising, considering that the romanian nation was born as a result of roman pwnage inflicted upon the dacians.

Among the most notable nations that have trolled Romania are: The Ottoman Empire, The Austro-Hungarian Empire and the tatar hordes

It is a little known fact that during World War 2, the Romania was actually one of Hitler’s allies. Russia, using it’s superior military technology, eventually liberated the romanian people from the evil nazis. Some argue that the ruskies overstayed their welcome

In 1989, Ronald Raegan swooped down from the heavens and pwned the USSR using his secret weapon. The romanians were very grateful and have been mongling Lady Liberty’s star spangled cock ever since.

Romanian Economy

Romanians will sell anything that isn’t nailed down. The Romanian word for business is bishnitza and no self respecting Romanian business man would ever miss a bribe. Literally. Romania is really cold in winter so it’s likely they sell a lot of jackets, stolen from the few visiting foreigners who have a spark of interest in this little corner of the world. Romania doesn’t have a traditional form of currency, the most common method of payment being jenkem. The country’s main exports are gypsies and fail.

---

Dacia is the average romanian car.Every romanian starts learning how to drive on one of these. Some can fail.There is a saying in Romanian culture that if you learn to drive a Dacia you learn to drive any existing car. Dacia eventually was bought by Renault. From then Dacia got international. Being sold all over EU. Some argue that Dacia Logan, the first one to be made by Renault, is the best Dacia so far. But Renault failed to understand the needs of one car on romanian roads. Observe in the pictures.

Average Romanian before Renault

Average Romanian after Renault

Failed romanian driver

Romanian cuisine

Every Romanian’s favorite food

Romanians feed primarily on sunflower seeds. Scientists believe that the average Romanian would eat seeds non stop if he/she wouldn’t have to abuse their children and sleep. Romanians only drink tuica [pronounced tzuii-kah].

Romanian Culture

An average romaniancitizen, relaxing the traditional way

Favorite Pass times include:

• Sniffing glue
• Drinking “tuica”: moonshine so strong that it can melt through titanium.
• Emigrating and once inside the foreign land, harassing the natives.
• Beating the shit of of each other at soccer matches.
• Stealing Transylvania back from Hungary, and trolling about it.
• Having sex with underage girls. You will never get escorted to a certain vehicle for such actions in Romania, which proves it is far superior to the USA
• Listening to manele, a very sophisticated and intense genre of music. Invented by Nicolae Guta, a gypo that modified the ancient, now forgotten, romanian popular music to a new and improved version for the inteligent romanian! Manele is all about the money, the amount of women a singer has and himself!

The Average Romanian

The average Romanian is an extremly complicated and intelligent creature. An example of this is the following: A Romanian fucktard ate a bag of cherries without unseeding them,his ass got clogged up with cherry seeds so he shoved a hammer up his ass to try and crush the seeds[seriously]. However the handle of the hammer broke and the hammer head remained in his ass.Apparently this particular fucktard wanted moar so he shoved another hammer up his ass to try and get the first one out/smash the seeds,however the monkey learned from its previous mistake and tied a string around the hammer head so he could pull it back out.The string broke and he ended up with two hammer heads in his ass.The fucktard tried for 3 days to take the hammer heads out himself before visiting a doctor or Romanian forest magician.

Vlad Tepes

Where Freddy Mercury got the inspiration for his moustache from

Contrary to popular belief, Vlad Dracula was not really a bloodthirsty vampire. Most romanians consider him an national hero but this is also false. In truth, Dracula’s only notable trait was his ravenous homosexuality. When he was a mere boy he was sent as tribute to the turks. While there, he was impaled on a daily basis by the sultan himself. It is here that the warlord aquired his habit of sticking very large, very sharp and very phallic objects up innocent people’s anuses.

The Emo Menace

While the stupidity of cops, both Romanian and of other nations, is known throught the world, very few foreign cops could produce such large amounts of lulz. It started when a 12 year old girl killed herself, and soon the press was alerted to the “dangerous emo cult”. As it was expected, instead of listening tocommon sense, the cops listened to the fear mongerers and engaged serious survailance equipment to stalk and catch a bunch of emo faggots in the act , after which they were taken away and given to shrinks.

Trolling Romanians

Although Romanians are as dumb as dogshit. Here are a few ways to make friends with them:

• Ask them about their gypsy caravans.
• Tell them Transylvania never belonged to them, it was always part of Hungary.
• Ask them about how many times they got owned by the Ottoman Empire.
• Tell them Romania isn’t even a country.
• Become someone in the goverment and steal from them.
• Destroy the 2km of roads Romania has.
• Ask them about the king of Romania, Guta.
• Remind them they elected two of the most retarded people in Romanian Politics, Vadim Tudor (a anti-hungarian psycho with teritorial demands for Romania from all neibouring countries) and Elena Basescu (The presidents daughter who used money from the Ministry of Tourism to pay for her EU parlament campaign; There was a lot of drama over this.)

Gallery of Romanians

Romanian subspecies known as “cocalar”. That thing around his neck is a specialized organ used for attracting female cocalars, known as “printzese”	Your typical gyppo lying in the gutter in Tîrgu Mures, desperately in need for some glue to sniff.	Mexico and Romania are banned IRL.	Old romanian wimminz are watching you masturbate
Fapping on underaged girls is legal in Lolmania.	Romanians are known for buying only expensive designer’s clothes, such as MIKE, ADIDUS AND PUWA.	Romanian camwhore.	Romanian gangsters, proving that Darwin was right.
Romanian Gypsy at work.	Romanians are well known for their mad shooping skillz.	The romanian ninja is know for his natural pickpocketing tehniques.If he offers to sell you a cell phone, do NOT refuse or you will be swiftly executed.

Famous Romanians

• Bula - Last Thursday Romanians voted on who the greatest Romanians of all time is. Bula a fictional character came in at place 59. The word “Bula” is a one letter deformation of the word “Pula” which in Romanian means cock.This proves once and for all that Romanians love deformed cock.
• Gigi Becali – Divine King of Romania, beloved by the people and feared by evil homosexual men and atheists.
• Ceausescu – former Emperor of the Glorious People’s Republic of Romania. Died under mysterious circumstances during the romanian revolution of 1989
• George Bacovia – Poet that wrote some really morbid crap because he got AIDS from buttsecks with a goat.
• Nicolae Guta – Romania’s greatest musician and intellectual. Invented the manele.
• Puya – A gangsta rapper that went dark side. He now combines HipHop with Manele.
• Cristian Tudor Popescu – Angry bald man who comes on talk shows and constantly bitches about how retarded romanian politicians are
• Gary Brolsma
• Comsha Dan, the W.T. Snacks and Cockmongler of Romania
• Vladuz, famous hacker made eBay his bitch for several years and he posted lots of ebay users’ passwords and credit card numbers (both of which eBay does not encrypt in its database). Many lulz were had as eBay used to try to cover him up and would send its lawyers after any media or website that mentioned him. He was eventually v&. But got the money in the end.